Robot Week: The Killer 7th

Robot No.7 HK47



When George Lucas invented Star Wars all those years ago he probably didn't realise that A) Droids would be on the light and dark side of the force and B) Star Wars videogames would get so shit and find so little inspiration from the prequels they were supposed to tie in with that the best Star Wars game in years would be completely removed from the original world Lucas envisaged.

Anyway droid HK47 is a droid on the Dark side of the force who regards humans as meat bags and is a little head mental. (I'd quote it but I can' remember of the funny key lines). The point is HK47 is not humanities last hope just a random orange psycho.

Strengths: The Dark side is strong in this one.
Weaknesses: The Dark side is strong in this one.
Stuff it's been in that's great: Knights of the old Republic I and II

Robot Week: 666

This robot may not have as many weapons as Metal Gear but is still pretty terrifying. It also has less of a sense of moral decency than Bender.

Robot No.6 Paris Hilton


I'm pretty convinced Paris Hilton is a robot it would explain a lot. Like why she is so dead behind the eyes or what her actual function is in life.
Obviously being a robot is not an actual function in life, but being a sex-bot is.
I'm not one for conspiracy theories but I'm pretty sure Paris Sex-bot Hilton was sent in by some minor foreign nation to infiltrate the USA's social "elite". She was programmed to get in the pants of these tycoons young male offspring and thus manipulate (son to father to government) benefits for this foreign nation.

Strengths: She can manipulate the financially strong and mentally weak.
Weaknesses: Like Bender Paris gets her energy from alcohol.
Stuff she's been great in: Uh nothing counts as a choice, maybe.

Robot Week: 5

Robot No.5 EVA 01



It's huge, purple and green and humanities only hope (that's definitely a pattern in robots).

Strengths: It has a sonic knife for stabbing, access to giant automatic weaponry and something called an AT field which is basically a massive inbuilt shield. Also once it regenerated a limb.
Weaknesses: Although it has a battery to power it this only lasts 5 minutes, to be fully functional the Evangelion has to be plugged into the mains.
Stuff it's been in that's great: Neon Genesis Evangelion a morality tale about modern society and big robots.

Robot Week: Part 4

Moving away from the Robots in videogames thing.

Robot No.4 Bender



He's a smoking, drinking, swearing, stealing, manipulating machine that has a desire to kill all humans. But yet he does have a bizarre personal sense of moral decency.

Strengths: He can bend stuff.
Weaknesses: Alcohol provides him with the strength to work.
Stuff he's been in that's great: Futurama - probably my favourite animated comedy show. Yes I prefer it to the Simpsons it's a load of the jokes about videogames and Tron and the 80s and The Beastie Boys, it's as if Matt Groening made a show specifically for me.

Robot Week: Threes

I just posted the Probotector bit and realised due to the time I was one post down. So here we go again:

Robot No.3 Metal Gear



In the future we'll all have one of these to drive to work.

This is what Metal Gear Rex looks like in Lego form - you can see more of this guys work here


The little known Metal Gear Gander. Sorry I'm going on about this but I just think robots are neat.

(By the way: I don't know if the very definition of a robot means artificial intelligence is involved and as I'm too lazy to find out I'll just pretend it doesn't).

Metal Gear is a great big walking tank, that likes to shoot things. There are many different versions/iterations but the important things to note are A) It's bigger than you B) It has more weapons than you and C) It can't think for itself, but it probably does hate you.

Strengths: Lots of weapons (rail gun, laser, mini gun, missiles and Nuclear capable) and some form of quality radar system, Metal Gear Ray can swim.
Weaknesses: Requires someone to operate it (so may not technically be a robot). A single man with a rocket launcher can destroy it if he knows wear to shoot it. Also I'm not sure it's legs are that stable.
Stuff it's been in that's great: I very much recommend Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation (or Gamecube remake) and Metal Gear Solid on the Game boy Advance.

Robot Week: Part Deux

Robot No. 2 Probotector


The 2 gun approach is the way to help rebuild a post apocalyptic future.

America had Contra - a videogame series where a Rambo type bloke and a Schwarzenegger in Predator type bloke shot robots and aliens in the face. When it came to a European release (possibly because Germany had very strict videogame laws) Konami changed all the graphics of the Rambo guys (and some of them more human looking enemies) into Robots. So Rambo and Predator guy became robots called Probotectors and unsurprisingly they are humanities last hope in an Alien War (well at least in no.3 which is the best one).

Strengths: Probotectors carry two guns which have different firing and ammo modes depending on the power up collected. They also seem to be able to pull off excellent ending poses at the end of each mission.
Weaknesses: They get hit once and they die. If you were building humanities last hope would you really make them so on the cheap?
Stuff they've been in that's great: Probotector 1,2 on the NES and Super Probotector: Alien Rebels (or Probotector 3) on the SNES.

And so Robot Week begins

In celebration of the Transformers movie being in cinemas from Friday the 27th I have deemed this week robot week. Now this means I'll be writing a feature on a robot each day (if I can remember) for at least a week.

Now many of you have probably thought why don't you start this epic robot related extravaganza on Friday and then do it up to the day the Transformers movie is officially released. The answer is twofold: 1. I'm away for some of next week. 2. Previews for "possibly the best Michael Bay film ever" start next Tuesday.

Robot No.1 Astro boy/Megaman



Put a shirt on you'll catch a virus.


You'd be happy to if you were blue like that.

These two little guys count as one choice because it is obvious they are infact the same robot. It's just one was created in the 50s then the other one ripped off the one from the 50s in the 80s.

Strengths: Astroboy can fly, Megaman is Blue. Both have a gun in their arm. Megaman has a cool theme tune.
Weaknesses: Astroboy is plagued by weird men (that's what happens when you're a child and don't wear a shirt, and do wear shorts), Megaman relies too much on his dog.

Stuff they've been in that's great: The Astro boy TV series from 2004. Any show that features a line (that ws something like) "that robot ate the Rollercoaster and the Super Safari ride, by this time tomorrow the town will be flooded with unemployed hippobots" deserves a mention.
Megaman games are selectively good, I personally enjoy Megaman 2 , 7 and X (that's an X not a 10, there has never been a Megman 10.)

Staring into the Abyss

I've literally just reached the end of the internet it looked like this:


Or this:



Or perhaps this:


Infact when I searched "then end of internet" there were so many pages, so I was a bit confused as to which was the real one. But one of these must be... probably.

You are what you see (on Tv)

I know I've been using too many videos recently but I saw these and I just knew that you would want to see them.



This song is a Girls Aloud B-side.


I'm not going to pretend there is any hidden meaning to these two videos they are what they are, but they did keep me amused.

Also today I saw probably the 2nd best music video cameo I had ever seen. I was watching the video for Fergie (from the Black Eyed Peas) song Big Girls Don't Cry and who did I see? None other than Peter Petrelli of Heroes fame (he was playing a greasy Mexican bloke).

One day I may tell you about the greatest music video cameo I ever saw but that is a tale for another time (like when I haven't written a blog update in weeks and I need a filler).

Talking of filler, to pass some of the time I've been watching a bit more TV than usual. How in the 7 levels of hell does MTV continue to produce such vapid shit? Seriously I can watch almost anything beginning to end but Laguna Beach has shot me down time and time again. Ir's supposedly the real OC but these kids really do nothing, they sit and complain about who fancies who then cop of with each others respective partners, whilst clearly spending loads of money that has been given to them by their parents. I'm starting to think the real reason this show exists is because one of the executives who commissioned it is one of the kids parents and he was fed up with them lounging round the house:

"Here Jason, here's your own camera crew, make a show about your own life, just get out the damn house, I'm fed up with your lounging and complaining. Also if you see your mother while you're out tell her to come home soon, we're having guests over tonight and I'm gonna need a partner if we're to play the car keys in the hat game. "