Man Bear Pig Alert!

This is damn important!

It has been reported that ManBearPig is in the area. (Wherever you live keep vigilant ManBearPig can turn up exceedingly quickly).

It will be will be craving human flesh, that is a given.
And incase you don't know what to look for it looks like this:

In case you have no idea what this is about search youtube.com for ManBearPig.

Damn you Al Gore where are you when we need you!

Film: Undefeatable

This is one of the best fight scenes ever and I feel like spreading it amongst the uninitiated.
Check this:



The only way this would be better is if Steven Segal jumped in and gave them all a right ass whuppin.

They used to call him the Glimmer Man I call him a fat sack of shit who needs a stunt double to film his walking scenes (no joke).

The future in the palm of your hand

I'd like to make a prediction.
How the future will go for human kind and human endeavour.

In the future we will all have magic gloves that allow us to control the household objects around us. We will just point at said object then use the "control pad" on the glove to access these various household functions.

I will call these gloves "Mattel Power Gloves" and they will look like this:



On the other hand I might just use them for playing the NES.
(Power Gloves Est 1988 from the Mattel company).

A Revelation

This is going to be all over the internet, but I'll mention it anyway.

Thanks, Nintendo, Thankyou so much...

Rather than sticking with the perfectly acceptable name of Revolution for your next console. You have taken the high road and gone with Wii to be pronounced "we".
Now I know as an "adult" I should be perfectly happy and not make a piss joke - but you've brought this on yourself - plus the 5 year old boy (present and correct in every male) will not let this lie.
Ha ha ha wee he he he.

"My Wee has overheated!" Will be the first thing I cry when said console breaks.

This has the stupidest connotations in videogaming since Worms - ha ha you've got Worms.

Brilliant...

Possibly the hardest job

I ask you what is the hardest job in the world?
I'm not asking what's physically hardest, (that's a question for another time).

But mentally what's the hardest?
Could it be:


The guy who has to work out the next number of Pi or

The dude who has to prove string theory is correct or

The political philosopher who has to work out a system less flawed (when in practice) than democracy.


Nope the answer is Lego Blue Print Designer.
It's someones job to take an item and then turn it into Lego.
Think about it, they must think in blocks.
And what happens when they need a special piece that doesn't exist, they have to create it mentally and send the design to the molding department.
I wonder if they see in blocks the whole time, a bit like the end of the Matrix where Neo only sees the computer world in Code.

See it's an X-wing made of Lego someone has converted this film model into blocks of Lego!

It's Amazing!

The hero of Godzilla

Recently I had the "pleasure" of watching the 1998 remake of Godzilla.
It looked a bit like this:

As you can probably guess it wasn't the best film ever.

However there was one saving grace.

Matthew Broderick!
What a legend, truely acting his arse off trying to help his flagging career.
It's just Ferris Bueller doesn't cut it anymore dammit.

Anyway from now on Godzilla is to be refered to as "Matthew Broderick's Godzilla."

Megazord Vs Optimus Prime (If they were the same size)

Important update this - If Optimus Prime fought the Megazord (original and best) who would win.



It's Optimus Prime he's da Bomb.



But wait, it's the Megazord and he's da bomb too.

Oh man whoose better you ask. I will tell you.....so calm yourself.

Now I know the Megazord has a sword but I truly believe Optimus Prime would be the victor here. This is based purely on the fact that the Megazord is controlled by 5 Power Rangers each with an opinion on how the Megazord should fight. This would lead to their downfall due to indecision and arguments.
Also Optimus Prime keeps coming back from the dead.
There - Sorted - Bam

The Time Travelling Theorem

This is a piece of "wisdom" I have held on to for too long.
How to build your own time machine.
First of all write yourself a note that contains this information:
A) A future date
B) An amount of money £5000 or over
C) A location you can easily get to

Now store the note on your person. (Pehaps in a wallet). Make sure you check this note regularly to make sure you know the date and location.
When this specific day comes check the location written on the note.


If you get to the location and find a large sum of money congratulations you have built a fully functional time machine.
Take the money and invest it into time machine research. Now when the time machine is finished make sure you go back to the date and location written on the note and leave money there for your past self to find

HG Wells did this and that's how he wrote the Time Machine: FACT!



This is a picture of the actual time machine HG Wells used.

Your chicken here now (soon)

This is near where I live...
It's a roundabout
Sometime in the distant future a giant statue of a chicken is to be placed on it.
I literally cannot wait until that happens it will clearly be one of the funniest/pointless things that I have ever witnessed.
On a more serious note this will have cost the council thousands of pounds. This money should have gone on more worthwhile causes, like that overdue operation to have that big stick forcibly removed from all council members arses.
I don't usually comment on politics but this might be a worthwhile cause.

Magi and Aussies

It seems like a good time in the preceedings to introduce some personal annoyances.

Magicians: In general they're rubbish. A few cheap tricks which they then refuse to show you how they work. They're always loud and think they're amazing, filled with ther own self importance. There are exceptions of course: Maverick from Defenders of the Earth was quality and that bloke who became a Magician off of Faking It was good too.



See look its Maverick an excellently English gentleman.

Australians: Ho ho now this is a controversial topic. Yet again this is in general.
Australia as a society annoys me.
Now I think that Australia has the lowest cultural output possible. (Cultural output think paintings, poetry and music (particualrly rock music)).
Australia is a country with very good weather (a lot of sushine).
Great culture comes from depression and angst .
You don't get depressed or angsty if its exceedingly sunny and attractive girls are running about in bikinis on the beach, which is outside of your house.
Also Australian guys play a lot of sports, are pumped and steal my countries women. (So thats what gap years are for).
So as a quick summary Australians aren't emo enough and are too jock like.

A quick test of Photos

Just thought I'd see if I could load up a couple of photos.....





Look it's Animal Crossing on the DS and it's brilliant!

A blog - why?

So humanity has created the internet.
The great information highway and what do we use it for?
Writing our own mindless inept babble or looking at porn or doing shopping.
So I thought hey I'm not using this resource properly I'm only using it for 2 of those 3 things.
Sure this might be more self indulgant than myspace but it may provide a longer entertainment than "myspace fishing."

Also Myspace won't load up my photos (wankers) because they are all too big, taken at the highest resolution. (Only the best quality for me).

Anyway I haven't got the hang of signing off a post yet..... I don't know how to leave this without sounding rude......does everyone have this problem? Now I feel insecure might write a poem about it.
Ha take that myspace.