Why was this not a sketch on Monkey Dust?

Well every year I write about Big Brother and complain about how it interferes with my Channel 4 viewing. (Just as a recap: late night Channel 4 is for weird documentaires about people with freak problems I don't understand and not for watching strangers sleeping). Well this year I didn't bother complaining about Big Brother as it has become such a non-event and more importantly it doesn't seem to be on that much. This leads me to believe that Big Brother is on the way out, after all Russell Brand doesn't do Big mouth anymore and Dermot O'Leary found the luck of the Irish was on his side when he got offerred the job of presenting Xfactor. And I'm probably right in thinking that Davina McCall said this was the last series she was going to present.

(Sorry just going off on a tangent here but I just read that Davina was the female voice dubber on the 1st series of Eurotrash - I miss that show, how else are teenagers supposed to learn that Europe has some really weird sex stuff going on and that the French guy who used to be on the Fruit Pastilles advert was actually a bit of a creepy pervert).

Right back to topic. Big Brother looks like it is dying and I'm rather happy about it but what I was thinking was that it should go for one more series but make it the most controversial series ever....

Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you Big Brother: 7 Deadly Sins

So there are 14 contestants to start with and people are only added in if someone leaves (leaves by choice ie not evicted) - there would be 10 public voted evictions (I'll explain why 10 in a minute).
So what happens is the people who are selected to be a contestants are people who embody one of the 7 deadly sins (Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Sloth, Vanity, Envy and Wrath). Obviously there are only 7 deadly sins but to make the number up to 14 there would be a male and female version of each.
I'm not sure I've explained this very well so I'll lay it out with a nice little list.

Gluttony - To represent Gluttony an obese man and obese woman would be contestants. (Obviously the people used would be fat of their own accord rather than have that disease where you can't stop eating).
Greed - Male and Female wallstreet traders or lawyers or perhaps a corrupt plastic surgeon. Someone who values money over everything else.
Lust - Male and Female serial adulterers.
Sloth - Male and Female stoners/wasters. One of those kids at school who was bright enough to achieve anything but just too lazy to go do it.
Vanity - Male and Female variants of someone who values beauty over everything. Perhaps an aspiring model or WAG.
Envy - (This was a bit of a shit to realise but I think I've got it). Someone who marries for money. They married for money because they wanted a richer lifestyle instead of their own. They didn't want to better themselves they were just envious of what others have. (Ok it's not brilliant but the best I could do).
Wrath - Failed attempt to murder cheating spouse (for extra controversy the cheating spouse could be the representative for Lust).

Anyway so as per usual the public votes out who they don't like (the people up for eviction are - again as per usual nominated by housemate votes) and contestants do tasks - this time inspired by stories from the Old Testament. Anyway when only 4 contestants are left in the house all the lights go low and Kevin Spacey is flown in via Helicopter onto the roof. Being a method actor he is in character of the guy he played in Seven. He creeps round the house with a tranquilizer gun and tries to shoot the contestants as they hide round the house. The last person to be shot wins and and Kevin Spacey is text clues about where different people are hidden via viewers at home (obviously the Big Brother producer has some say in which text messages Kevin Spacey actually recieves).

The usual winners ceremony follows but then it is revealed to the general public that actually it was a massive social experiment to see who the majority were prejudiced against (in all honesty probably fat people). Then Kevin Spacey gets 2 mins of plugging time to advertise his next play at the old vic.
Big Brother is then officially over forever and we all go on with our lives.
The day after this final a new series of Eurotrash is announced... The End.