The Majestic Silver Marvel

I meant to tell you this weeks ago but I didn't as I forgot.
Basically you remember back when I started this Blog I was going on about a roundabout that was vaguely near where I live?
You don't?
I'll reiterate - I said this:

This is near where I live...
It's a roundabout
Sometime in the distant future a giant statue of a chicken is to be placed on it.
I literally cannot wait until that happens it will clearly be one of the funniest/pointless things that I have ever witnessed.
On a more serious note this will have cost the council thousands of pounds. This money should have gone on more worthwhile causes, like that overdue operation to have that big stick forcibly removed from all council members arses.
I don't usually comment on politics but this might be a worthwhile cause.

Well now the chicken is on said roundabout and it looks like this:








Also nothing to do with anything but I was hoping that Enter Shikari got their name from a combination of Shinji Ikari the Hero from Neon Genesis Evangelion.
It turned out they didn't.

The day the Earth stood quizless

Well I hope your happy ITV play has got cancelled and it's all your fault!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean that I'm just a bit shaken up by the whole business.

For those of you not aware ITV has cancelled ITV Play (the service of premium rate phone in Tv quizzes) so now I don't get to watch The Mint or Make Your Play, I mean sure there is Glitterball but it's just not the same.

I sense you might be confused by this so I'll explain:

What - ITV ran a series of quizzes presented by hot girls (and gay Brian from Big Brother) where people at home phoned in to win cash. Most of the time the presenters just meander about talking crap. The games are mostly word games (like fill in the blanks) except Glitterball which is a series of Anagrams which I'm really rubbish at.
When - From late at night to stupid o'clock in the morning.
Where - Channel 3 on Terrestrial
Why - ITV Play has been cancelled because "officially" there were "commercial" reasons. I'm sure it didn't help that a week earlier the service had been suspended after concerns were raised that viewers phoning in could be losing money.

Anyway the point is no ITV Play so that means
A) No early morning word games that inevitably become ridiculous things you've never heard of.
B) No fake mansion sets.
C) No presenters telling rubbish life stories.
D) No attractive female presenters.

For gratuitous reasons here's what we'll all be missing out on:



Debbie King from Quizmania (she hasn't been on TV for ages but it's always worth mentioning)



Cat Porter from the Mint (she wears evening dresses and would make lovely dinner middle class conversation about different types of jam.)



Kat Shoob from the Mint (she's quite funny and stuff)



Alex Kramer from Make your Play (She's on my legendary written document "the list").

Anyway I'm sure you all see now that ITV Play was an amazing Tv service and we should all be as upset as I am that now it's gone.

In all seriousness I'll stop going on about it now.

Myspace is consistently rubbish

1) Read the title
2) Look at the picture
3) Draw a conclusion


Some updates write themselves.

You think you've got problems

Jayz once gave the immortal line "If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son. I've got 99 problems but the bitch ain't one - hit me."

I'm pretty sure these were his problems.

99. His house has a squeaky door.
98. There is a leaky tap in his kitchen.
97. His Ipod is broken and therefore needs a new one.
96. The TIVO is full and he hasn't watched what is on it.
95. He needs to fill out an IRS form.
94. Wants to change his ISP as the customer service on AOL is poor.
93. Windows in the house need cleaning.
92. Cars all need a wash.
91. He hasn't bought Beyonce a birthday present.
90. 1 of the spinners on his Hummer spins in the opposite direction.
89. E-mails need archiving.
88. Needs a new portable hard drive -
87. To backup laptop hard drive.
86. Shoes could do with a clean.
85. His Xbox Live subscription needs renewing.
84. Been meaning to watch Boys in the Hood again.
83. Hasn't decided when to retire next.
82. Wants to change Windows XP over to Vista.
81. Could do with a shower.
80. He's been meaning to check his ebay account as there was this jacket he quite wanted, but it was getting expensive and he just wasn't sure if he wanted it that much.
79. Wants to shave head as it's getting quite stubbly.
78. He needs to renew subscription to TIME magazine.
77. The attic needs a clear out.
76. The Sceptic tank is overflowing.
75. The chandelier needs a polish.
74. The wooden floor in the hall needs a wax.
73. The driveway needs re - tarring.
72. The dog needs shampooing.
71. The cat needs it's nails clipped.
70. The hamsters need cleaning out.
69. The towels need a wash.
68. CDs need re - alphabetising.
67. He needs to shout at Beyonce's producer for ruining a single.
66. He wants to organise a guys poker game.
65. Needs a poker set ie cards and chips.
64. Needs food for game.
63. Needs drinks for game.
62. Needs smokes for game.
61. He wants beautiful women to be serving at the game.
60. He needs clear out the garage for the poker game.
59. He hasn't brushed teeth today.
58. He hasn't loaded the dishwasher.
57. He needs to soak the pasta bake dish - which won't clean in the dishwasher.
56. Make dentist appointment.
55. Make eye test appointment.
54. Return library books.
53. Return 50 Cent's pornography.
52. Buy more memory for digital camera.
51. Member of entourage is leaving and needs a retiring present.
50. Listen to the new Linkin Park album and see if he can cash in on it.
49. Watch needs a new battery.
48. He needs to make a copy of his house keys.
47. The bins need taking out.
46. He wants to buy a new house to be shown on cribs.
45. Been meaning to phone Chester from Linkin Park.
44. He wants to brew his own beer.
43. He has been meaning to write his own memoirs.
42. He wants to become 1st Black President.
41. He still hasn't and wants to visit all 50 states.
40. The house maybe haunted so needs exorcising by a priest.
39. Worried and confused about the buttered cat paradox.
38. He wants to get the southern states to accept him as an equal.
37. He is worried about potential debt problems.
36. He has signed up to neighbourhood watch and is worried people are judging him.
35. He is panicked about global warming and his carbon footprint.
34. He has been meaning post on a fan's website forum.
33. He needs to go to the gym.
32. Wants to buy This is Where the Fight Begins by the Ghost of a Thousand.
31. He needs to set himself up as a loan shark.
30. Needs to change the lightbulb in the basement of his house.
29. Jayz needs patenting as a brand.
28. He needs to get an equity card so he can register as an actor.
27. Wants to watch all 7 Police Academy movies.
26. Needs to then watch the animated series of Police Academy.
25. Then follow that with the live action Police Academy.
24. Start religious group based on Jayz brand.
23. Sort out his own videogame (50 Cent style).
22. Build time machine to -
21. Ensure he is best rapper ever.
20. Register Jayz monopoly.
19. Setup Jayz university.
18. Contact Tupac through a medium.
17. Invest money in kids with psychic abilities.
16. Destroy the magic circle.
15. Start his own channel on cable.
14. Get HBO to make a Jayz behind the man documentary,
13. Take Beyonce to the modern art exhibition she wants to go to.
12. Invent and patent the "Jayz dance".
11. Come up with title for new album.
10. Buy some guns.
9. Put money into R&D of new medicinal drug then brand it with Jayz.
8. Get new sponsorship to receive new trainers.
7. Clone self.
6. Do the voice in an animated Disney movie.
5. Buy a monkey.
4. Build a castle.
3. Put money into R&D of life size Transformer.
2. Become a Ghostbuster.
1. Worried about death and thus wants to live forever.

Pre 2000 the world was a simpler place

Sometimes things are so painfully obvious they don't need an explanation.
And that is why I hope that by reminding you of the scene in Armageddon where Bruce Willis gives the speech to the colonel about how he can plant that bomb in the asteroid you'll remember how great that film is:

OK so I'll set the scene.
Bruce Willis has been sent into space to blow up an asteroid which is going to hit the Earth. To achieve this he has to dig a hole (in said asteroid) and put a nuclear bomb into it.
Back on Earth, the president is about to blow the bomb up without it being in the hole as he doesn't think Bruce will be able to dig to the required depth.
The Colonel flying the spaceship Willis is on, is trying to get the bomb out the spaceship, so he can then pilot the ship back to Earth and avoid being blown up by the bomb.
Bruce needs to stop him, hows he going to do this?
BY damn well giving him one of the greatest speeches ever written that's how.

(Scene: Inside the space shuttle, Music: Slow building dramatic strings)
Bruce: For God sake's think about what your doing. Why are you listening to someone whose 100,000 miles away? We're here, no one down there can help us. If we don't get this job done, everybodies gone.

One of Bruce's men: 1 minute (until bomb detonation)

Bruce: I've been drilling holes in the Earth for 30 years.And I have never, NEVER missed a depth that I have aimed for. AND by God I will make this one, I will make 800ft

One of Bruce's men: 42 seconds

(Camera shot of bomb)
Bruce: But I can't do it alone Colonel, I need you help.

Colonel(looking very stressed): You swear on your daughter's life and my families that you can hit that mark?

Bruce (super serious): I will make 800ft. I swear to God I will.

Colonel: Then let's turn this bomb off (manly handshake).

The thing is there's no real point to this article I just want everyone to remember how good Armageddon is, people these days don't sing it's praises enough. And it truly has everything: pathos, acting, explosions, man's hubris, Aerosmith, comedy Russians, Owen Wilson's death, asteroids, Greenpeace, that bloke who isn't Ving Rhames and of course the legend that is Ben Affleck.

So the next time Deep Impact is on Tv (it'll be on at around New year) I hope you think to yourself "I wish this was Armaggedon, because that was so the better movie because at the very least it features the acting talents of Ben Affleck and he's amazing."



So thankyou Michael Bay you make a trip to the movies special.
(In all seriousness if you mess up the Tranformers movie I hope you have an underground bunker to escape to because the wrath of nerds is not something to be taken lightly, not to mention the ass kicking from the "real" Optimus Prime you'll be receiving.)