Two completely unrelated topics

Rather than write two separate updates I've decided to write one update on two topics that have nothing in common with each other - maybe along the way they will link up or maybe not.

Anyway on with "the show"

Russell Brand seems to be all over the place at the moment (mainly in Magazines of Sunday newspapers) because apparently he's the cool new funny guy (now that he's been seen with Kate Moss).
But I just don't see why he's so popular or that quirky charmingness he is supposed to contain.
He's not that funny though I do admit he occasionally makes me laugh but that's more due to the output of words. (Pure probability states he will eventually put words together that make you laugh)
His retro stylings and "dark past" are a modern day cliche.
He has a really annoying voice.
Oh and he presents Big Brother's big mouth (which I've already told you) makes me furious.



Russell Brand I just don't like him.


Now onto bigger and better things. Actually scrap that make it more annoyingly retarded things.
I finally witnessed Resident Evil: Apocalypse
My god that film was a giant pile of asses. And not warm asses either big freezing cold asses (actually I don't know which would be worse - dammit why did you confuse me by bringing up asses). The point is Resident Evil: Apocalypse may be worse than the uninspired 1st attempt and heres a list of why.

1. It seemed to me like there was hardly any dialogue which led to a poor explaining of what was going on.
2. The whole thing contained a helleva lot of gun porn.
3. It wasn't tense.
4. It wasn't scary.
5. The fight scenes were poor, there weren't many scenes with hordes of zombies infact it just seemed like a whole load of scenes which were a big bunch of nothing.
6. It had a bollacks cliff hanger ending.
7. It was like an interpretation of Resident Evil 3 (the videogame) but where someone had taken out the interesting set pieces and swapped them with their own that they came up with 5 minutes before each scene. Then they took out all the dialogue which explained the story and replaced it with a wasteland of nothing.
8. The end song on the credits was Killswitch Engage "The End of Heartache" which just seemed to have nothing to do with anything.

So as a summary it was badly made, uninteresting, un intense, not scary, completely unengaging and worse than the 1st one. But don't worry they're making two more which gives plenty of time to get it right - or they could knock out two cheaper paler imitations - which do you think it will be? Answers on a postcard (or sealed envelope) to the usual address.

On a lighter note the girl who played Jill Valentine was hot.



The thing is I know it was in keeping with the videogame but that blue top is digustingly impractical - if you ever go fighting zombies take a jumper with zip up pockets to keep ammo, herbs and keys to obtuse puzzles in in then you won't have to visit chests so often.