Hull: hyperborean for kingdom of the northern monkeys

Well people ask me about Hull all the time and what it's like to live in what is regarded as one of the worst places in the entire country so to satisfy people's curiosity I've put together a list of facts about Hull.

1) It's true there is no coloured sky just an absence of light.
2) Sometimes at night you can smell this weird smell of burning chocolate this is caused by the caramelising factory on an industrial estate.
3) It is illegal to fly a small plane under the Humber bridge.
4) One night the bridge did transform into a giant robot - 5 people died.
5) Scientific investigation proved water in the river Humber is twice as dirty as dirt.
6) The nightclub Spiders is run as a charity that is why it's so cheap.
7) The art museum in Hull contains a mural of the day Hull fought for independence from the rest of Yorkshire.
8) Next doors dog contains the spirit of Hull's love for the rest of humanity, that is why it's dying.
9) Once in the butchers we saw a headless carcass lying on the floor - it may have been a dead alsatian.
10) The people of Hull believe caramelised alsatian to be a delicacy.